Heading out the door to take my lovely daughter to dance class, I get the brainy idea to grab a laptop to work on some writing while I wait half the day for her to finish her Saturday classes. I need to remember screen cleaner the next time I make a mad dash out the door — there’s nothing like looking through a spotted dirty monitor. Note to son: It’s not a touch screen. Note to self: pick up some reading glasses, the smudges aren’t the only thing affecting your vision.

This blog has me all tangled up. I have wanted to write something about this for a while but as soon as I try the words don’t come. It’s easier to portray life as being sunny and perfect. Not unlike social media, I wanted to keep it positive and encouraging. The truth is, we all have our struggles with a twist of stress.

I have now reached the terrible twos. Yes, I have 2 teenagers in my house at one time. How do you survive, you ask? Barely! Life, as I know, has changed in ways I can’t describe — not just the emotional outbursts followed by slamming doors but the changes within me. I am struggling as to where I fit in this world of parenting. The last ten years of my existence feels like it has been shaken and not stirred. I thought patience was acquired the moment they learned to crawl. I think my kids thought their names were “damn it no” for the first few years of their lives. No, that’s just practice for when the teenager’s bodies are inhabited by puberty aliens. I know we all have heard a few horror stories but to ourselves, we say, “that won’t happen to me; my kids are angels.” WRONG! It will most definitely happen to you and very unexpectedly, I might add. That is why I carry the proverbial shield. Nothing will penetrate the thick skin I’ve got. Not true, but they don’t have to know that.

I wish I could say I’ve gotten used to the “you suck” flung at me, but I haven’t. This was when I realized the need for something in my life that I can baby, snuggle and call my own. I am not talking about adopting a puppy, however amazing that would be. I have decided to baby and snuggle myself. All the energy I put into my kids whose needs have shifted, I put into me. This goes beyond the yoga class, meditation and hot baths (all of which are lifesavers) In addition to those things, it’s finding where I belong in this big world. Where does my puzzle piece fit?

My first discovery on this journey was a wonderful organization called Be the Match. It’s not a dating service, but a bone marrow bank that helps save the lives of countless people suffering from cancer. It’s easy to start the process by clicking on this link and filling out a small amount of info online. After that is complete, they mail you a kit (2 swabs that rub on the inside of your mouth and gums) The next step is to mail back your completed kit with a postage-paid envelope. It took me a total of three minutes. I am currently in the 6 to 8 week waiting period as they process my tissue type into the donation bank. This is as far as I’ve gotten in the process, but it’s my understanding if you are lucky enough to be a match, the actual donation process is almost painless leaving you sore for only a few days after.

I am forever proud of my beautiful children, no matter what hormone is waiting in the wings. I have learned so much from this incredulous process of teenagerhood and I’m sure I will continue to. What I wanted to share with you is that when you struggle to find your value in an uncertain world, there are beautiful moments in helping a stranger or encouraging others when the darkness seems all too consuming. What better way to enrich your own life than to save another?

2 thoughts on “Be-tween

  1. Lori

    Angela, I am extremely proud of you for your blog and your willingness to help others! It takes courage to put yourself “out there “ , whether in sharing your own experiences and feelings, or being a physical donor to help another! Congratulations and please keep it up!
    Love, Aunt Lori

    Liked by 1 person

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